We’re sorry for the situation in which you find yourself. We know it’s not easy; in fact, it’s probably one of the most difficult things you’ve ever encountered. Here are a few things we want you to know:
You’re not alone!
Many of us are recovering from some type of a betrayal by our partner. And although each experience is unique, we’ve been able to find some similarities that help us feel a sense of connection with one another we meet along this path.
God can heal!
We’re not saying we know what God has in store for you, nor are we saying we’re here to tell you what you should do. We are saying that many of us have seen God do much more than we ever thought possible in our own lives, as well as, in the life of our partner. And we’re also saying that regardless of the path your partner chooses, you can have a healthy and joyful life by using this situation as an opportunity for your own personal development and transformation.
We can help!
We clearly remember just how important it was that we had others who cared about us in our time of need. We’re not sure what we would have done without a few loving and supportive individuals to listen and to be there when we needed them most. If that’s something you feel like you might need, we want to offer that to you. We don’t claim to be experts at relationships and we don’t want to fix you or give you advice. We simply want to come alongside you and provide care and resources that can help in the renovation of your life. Email us at keith@rockbottomministry.com and we’ll arrange for someone to follow-up with you as soon as possible. And in order to better serve you, here are few things we’d like to know:
First, you’ve got options!
It’s up to you how you respond. There are a variety of options. They include blaming a loved one, running and hiding, denying the extent of the problem, assuming it will just go away, or finally owning up to what’s going on. The choice is yours. We’ll try to support you any way we can, but unless you’re ready to take responsibility for your life and your current situation there’s very little we can do.
Second, declare a ‘rock bottom!’
If it’s healing and freedom you’re after then we suggest you do what many others have done who have gone before you. And that’s to declare that your life is at a ‘rock bottom.’
Declaring a ‘rock bottom’ means you’ve come to the end of yourself and are ready to face the truth of your situation. It’s a type of ‘eyes opening’ moment that includes giving up your denial and admitting to another person there’s a problem, beginning to own the consequences of your poor decisions, and starting to feel some sorrow over all that has taken place. If that describes where you’re at, then you’ve arrived at a great place. Welcome home.
If it’s not where you’re at, that’s totally OK too. There’s just very little we can do to help support you at this point in your journey.
Third, find a support system!
A support system is going to be essential for your recovery. We’ve found a good support system to include:
It’s been our experience that some of the strongest, longest-lasting relationships we’ve ever had were forged in communities like P3 and other men’s purity programs. If you have the privilege of finding a vibrant and inspiring community of other men who’ve had some type of ‘rock bottom’ experience and are now choosing healthy new patterns for their lives, then you’re headed in the right direction. Keep it up.
There are numerous types of groups! And there are a number of different factors that separate these groups including:
A few of the groups we’re familiar with include:
Check the websites for the latest information.
Find out when and where groups meet, who the contact person is, and what material they use. You might be able to send an email or make a phone call before ever getting to your first meeting.
Here’s information regarding P3, a program of Rock Bottom Ministry:
Check out the various types of programs and groups that meet in your area.
Programs will most likely differ from one another. It’s also possible that even groups from the same program might differ from one another. The only way to really know what a group is like is to go and experience it personally. And even then, you might want to go a few times to the same group to know for sure what it’s really like. We usually suggest three visits before making up your mind if it’s a good fit for you or no
Stay broken!
This principle is about attitude; and attitude is everything. Why is that? It’s because our attitude directly affects both our behaviors and our feelings. And when our attitude is positive we’re more likely to do things that are positive. Along with that, we feel better and like ourselves more when we’re thinking and behaving in ways that are positive.
So how does this fit with ‘staying broken’? By ‘staying broken’ we mean maintaining an attitude of humility and a posture of dependence on God for our sobriety, sanity, and serenity. As we walk in humility (accepting both our strengths and weaknesses) and depend on God (knowing we need Him as our much higher power) we are creating an attitude that seems to work excellent for helping with our recovery.
Start attending meetings!
Meetings are one of the new additions you’ll need to make to your schedule. Why are they important?
Start reading literature!
There are a number of different pieces of literature available for your use:
Begin making phone calls!
Phone calls are part of the secret strength of the P3 program. Here’s why:
You’re probably wondering whom it is you should call, right? Great question. We don’t suggest you start calling just anybody at this point, even if you have a family member or close friend that you trust and know cares about you. We recommend you start out by calling other guys in the P3 program. They’re the ones who will have the greatest amount of understanding and empathy to your story and will be glad to both listen to how you’re doing as well as share from their own lives.
Start working the steps!
The steps are the spiritual principles that make-up the backbone of P3. They’re more than good ideas or man’s way of looking at life. They’re Biblical insights that thousands of individuals have used to find strength, wisdom, and courage to pursue the right path in their spiritual lives.
The steps are also more than curriculum that a group goes through all at once. Instead, individuals who desire to be trained and equipped in the spiritual principles of the program will select a mentor to help get them started. P3 mentors have access to all the step work materials needed for the new person who is ready to get started.
One of the results of our recovery has been the amazing resources we’ve found to assist our healing process. Below are some of the people and organizations that have provided timely wisdom and incredible support for our journey.
Randy Powell
Journeys Counseling Center
Costa Mesa, CA
www.journeyscounseling.com
Roger Tirabassi
Newport Beach, CA
(949) 955-2220
Earl Henslin
Henslin and Associates
745 So. Brea Blvd. Suite 23, Brea, CA
(714) 256-2807
Patricia Patton
950 South Coast Drive
Costa Mesa, CA 92627
(714) 546-4406
Center for Individual and Family Therapy (CIFT)
Multiple locations throughout Orange County
www.cift-usa.com
Recovery Assistants Foundation (RAF)
Santa Ana, CA
(714) 560-0120
inquiries@recoveryfound.org
www.recoveryfound.org
.
Alcoholics Anonymous:
International fellowship for men and women with a desire to stop drinking.
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
Al-Anon:
Help for families and friends of alcoholics. www.alanon.org
Alateen:
Recovery fellowship for teenagers who want to stop drinking. al-anon.alateen.org
Narcotics Anonymous
:
International fellowship for men and women with a desire to stop using drugs. www.na.org
NarAnon:
Help for families and friends of drug addicts. www.nar-anon.org
Overeaters Anonymous:
International fellowship for men and women with a desire to stop abusing food. www.oa.org
Intervention Project for Nurses
:
Help for professionals with chemical dependencies. www.ipnfl.org
Newliferecovery.net
:
The best addiction treatment resource list. www.newliferecovery.net
American Council for Drug Education:
Educational programs and services for teens, parents, and educators. www.acde.org
A & E Intervention Program:
As seen on television; real interventions. www.aetv.com/intervention
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Alcohol:Ethyl alcohol is the main ingredient in a variety of beverages including spirits, beer, wine, malt beverages, and coolers. The Alcohol alone provides eighty calories per ounce.
Ativan
Ativan (Lorazepam) is an anti-anxiety agent (benzodiazepines, mild tranquilizer) used to relieve anxiety, agitation, and irritability; to relieve insomnia; to calm people with mania/schizophrenia; and is used intravenously as a sedative, for nervous tension, or to relieve anxiety prior to surgery.
Ativan may also be used to help in the prevention of severe alcohol withdrawal symptoms (delirium tremens, DTs), to treat amnesia, or in patients who are undergoing chemotherapy and have severe vomiting. It may be given to children to treat serial seizures by placing it under the tongue.
Cocaine
Cocaine is a powerfully addictive stimulant that directly affects the brain. Cocaine is not a new drug. In fact, it is one of the oldest known drugs. Cocaine abuse has a long history and is rooted into the drug culture in the United States. It is an intense euphoric drug with strong addictive potential. With the increase in purity, the advent of the free-base form of cocaine, known as crack, and its easy availability on the street, cocaine continues to burden both the law enforcement and health care systems in America. The powdered, hydrochloride salt form of cocaine can be snorted or dissolved in water and injected. Crack is cocaine that has not been neutralized by an acid to make the hydrochloride salt. This form of cocaine is a rock crystal that can be heated and its vapors smoked. The term ‘crack’ refers to the crackling sound heard when it is heated.
Codeine
Codeine is in a group of drugs called narcotic pain medicines. Codeine is used to treat mild to moderate pain. Codeine may be habit-forming and should be used only by the person it is prescribed for. Codeine should never be given to another person, especially someone who has a history of drug abuse or addiction. Dangerous side effects or death can occur when alcohol is combined with a narcotic pain medicine.
Crystal Methamphetamine
Methamphetamine is a very addictive stimulant drug that activates certain systems in the brain. It is chemically related to amphetamine but, at comparable doses, the effects of methamphetamine are much more potent, longer lasting, and more harmful to the central nervous system (CNS). Methamphetamine is a Schedule II stimulant which means it has a high potential for abuse and is available only through a prescription that cannot be refilled. It can be made in small, illegal laboratories; however, its production endangers the people in the laboratories, neighbors, and the environment. Street methamphetamine is referred to by many names such as ‘speed,’ ‘meth,’ and ‘chalk.’ Methamphetamine hydrochloride, clear chunky crystals resembling ice, which can be inhaled by smoking, is referred to as ‘ice,’ crystal,’ ‘glass,’ and ‘tina.’
Demerol
Demerol is a group of drugs called narcotic pain relievers. It is similar to morphine. Demerol is used to treat moderate-to-severe pain. Used beyond a prescriptive dosage, Demerol can be highly addictive.
Ecstasy
The chemical name of ecstasy is methylenedioxymethylamphetamine. It is generally known in scientific terms and medical circles as MDMA. Many users simply call it ‘M.’ Ecstasy can lead to serious addiction. It influences nerve cells of the brain that release ‘Serotonin.’ Serotonin controls sleep, depression, anxiety, appetite, sexual behavior, and emotional instability. Due to the effects of MDMA on Serotonin, a user will feel tired, depressed, or moody. The drug has unpredictable effects on different individuals, even if they have taken the same dosage. Other effects of MDMA can be a loss of body temperature regulation, leading to precipitous rises and falls of body temperature. Unpredictable changes in blood pressure and heart rate usually occur as well.
Fentanyl
Fentanyl is an analgesic with the potency of approximately eighty times that of morphine. It was introduced into medical practice in the 1960s as an intravenous anesthetic under the trade name Sublimaze. Duragesic is a Fentanyl transdermal patch used in chronic pain management. Actiq is a solid formulation of Fentanyl citrate on a stick that dissolves slowly in the mouth for transmucosal absorption. Actiq is intended for opiate-tolerant individuals and is effective in treating breakthrough pain in cancer patients.
GHB
GHB (Gama Hydroxybutyric Acid) is a synthetic depressant produced in clandestine laboratories. While available as a prescription for sleep disorders in some other countries, GHB was banned in the United States by the FDA in 1990 because of the dangers associated with its use. However, on July 17, 2002, GHB was approved by the FDA for treatment of a rare form of narcolepsy. Most of the GHB used in the United States is illegally manufactured within its borders. Like Rohypnol, GHB and its analogs are considered ‘date rape’ drugs because they can be mixed with liquids (even water) and a victim will not detect its presence by smelling or seeing it. GHB, by itself, has a soapy or salty taste, but when mixed with liquid, is it difficult to detect.
Heroin
Heroin is a highly addictive drug and is the most widely abused and most rapidly acting of the opiates. Heroin is processed from morphine, a naturally occurring substance extracted from the seed pod of certain varieties of poppy plants.
LSD
LSD (Lysergic Acid Dethylamide) is one of the major drugs making up the hallucinogen class of drugs. Hallucinogens cause hallucinations – profound distortions in a person’s perception of reality. Hallucinogens cause their effects by disrupting the interaction of nerve cells and the neurotransmitter, Serotonin. Distributed throughout the brain and spinal cord, the Serotonin system is involved in the control of behavior, perceptual and regulatory systems, and the LSD interruption will affect mood, hunger, body temperature, sexual behavior, muscle control, and sensory perception.
Marijuana
Marijuana is a green, brown, or gray mixture of dried, shredded leaves, stems, seeds, and flowers of the hemp plant (Cannabis Sativa). Cannabis is a term that refers to marijuana and other drugs made from the same plant including sinsemilla, hashish, and hash oil. All forms of cannabis are mind-altering, psychoactive drugs. The main active chemical in marijuana is THC ( Delta-9-Tetrahydrocannabinol). Short-term effects of marijuana uses include problems with memory and learning, distorted perception, difficulty in thinking and problem solving, loss of coordination, increased heart rate, and anxiety.
Morphine
Morphine is a group of drugs called narcotic pain relievers. Morphine is used to treat moderate to severe pain. Short-acting morphine is taken as needed for pain. Extended-release morphine is for use when around-the-clock pain relief is needed. Morphine in not for treating pain following surgery unless the patient is already taking morphine before surgery.
Opiates
Opiates, sometimes referred to as narcotics, are a group of drugs, which are used medically to relieve pain and have a high potential for abuse. Some opiates come from a resin taken from the seed pod of the Asian poppy. This group of drugs includes opium, morphine, heroin, and codeine. Other opiates, such as meperidine (Demerol), are synthesized or manufactured. Opium appears as dark brown chunks or as a powder and is usually smoked or eaten. Heroin can be a white or brownish powder, which is usually dissolved in water and then injected. Most street preparations of heroin are diluted, or cut, with other substances such as sugar or quinine. Other opiates come in a variety of forms including capsules, tablets, syrups, solutions, and suppositories.
Percoset
Percoset is a combination of oxycodone and acetaminophen. Oxycodone is in a class of drugs called narcotic analgesics. The addition of acetaminophen, a less potent pain reliever, actually increases the effects of the oxycodone and is used to relieve moderate-to-severe pain. It is an opiate and should never be taken with alcohol or other drugs.
Percodan
Percodan is a combination of oxycodone and aspirin and is in a class of drugs called narcotic analgesics. It is an effective pain reliever for moderate-to-severe pain when used as prescribed. Percodan is highly addictive.
Valium
Valium (diazepam) is habit forming. You can become physically and psychologically dependent on this medication. Diazepam is a member of the benzodiazepine family. Benzodiazepines are sedatives that cause dose-related depression of the central nervous system (CNS). They are useful in treating anxiety, insomnia, seizures, and muscle spasms.
Vicodin
Vicodin can be habit forming. If you take this drug over a long period of time, you can become mentally and physically addicted to it and you may find the drug no longer works to relieve moderate-to-severe pain at the originally prescribed dosage.
Xanax
Xanax is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines. Xanax affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety. Xanax is used to treat anxiety disorders, panic disorders, and a